An old saying you’ve probably heard before.
“You don’t get a second chance to make a good first impression”
And it’s true.
From research cited by the American Psychological Association to author Malcolm Gladwell in his book "Blink", numerous studies prove how first impressions affect, rightly or wrongly, how we view others.
They’re important in determining success in our career.
Job interviews, presentations, networking events, meetings with clients, suppliers and investors. The list goes on.
Making an outstanding first impression will lead to job offers, new opportunities, business deals and long fruitful relationships.
So here is part one of two blogs, focused on the visual and physical aspects when meeting someone, with 5 tips on how to nail it.
1.) Have a good handshake
Always stand up to shake a hand and greet someone. It’s respectful and shows you are meeting them at their level.
Your grip should be appropriate. Not too firm (often done to demonstrate machismo) but not too limp either. Too firm and you could come across as aggressive (and actually insecure), too limp and shaking your hand will feel like holding a dead fish, and you could come across as lacking in confidence and enthusiasm.
Keep your palm straight. A palm facing down comes across as dominant and a palm up as submissive. Same reasons as above. That is unless you’re choosing to go in for a high five in a first meeting (very brave!)
Clammy hands? Dry them beforehand. Cold hands? Might be an idea to warn the recipient first.
Finally, always look at the other person’s eyes during a handshake ( a useful tip is to simply observe the colour of their eyes whilst shaking).
2.) Make appropriate eye contact
Your eyes are absolutely vital to nonverbal communication.
Another famous saying:
"The eyes are the windows to the soul”
Eye contact develops trust, shows genuine interest, and getting it right the first time is very important.
Stare, and you can come across as deceitful and stern at best, or aggressive and predatory at worst.
No eye contact shows a lack of respect and interest and can be seen as a sign of guilt too. Do you have something to hide?
Finally, unless you’re Bono or lucky enough to have a work related meeting on a very sunny beach, then take your sunglasses off, so you can build that trust and connection.
3.) Smile and keep a positive expression
What’s great eye contact without a wonderful smile?
Eye contact on its own with a negative or even neutral expression in a first meeting and you’re at risk of coming across as an arrogant sociopath or a moody teenager. Even in conflict, the appropriate smile can set the tone for a productive meeting.
When you see a genuine smile, you’re more likely to assume that this person is trustworthy and authentic. A smile displays confidence, warmth, friendliness and positive feelings.
What’s more, when you smile, you feel more positive and happy, which can be contagious and make others feel that way too.
However, it’s important that your smile is genuine and relaxed and not forced and uncomfortable. You don’t want to look like The Joker ( and definitely don’t smear red lipstick wildly over your mouth either)
4.) Care about your appearance
Dress appropriately for the occasion so you feel confident and so others can relate to you. You will feel like you fit in, wherever that may be.
Whilst a job interview at a law firm may require shiny black shoes and a tie, a networking event for social enterprises may mean you could go full on casual and wear your favourite hemp trousers.
A tip would be to research beforehand and look at any websites to get a feel for the event, company, people and culture. If in doubt go a little smarter (yes that dreaded "smart casual” dress code!)
Some cardinal rules about hair and hands. Whatever your style, keep your hair clean and out of your eyes. I once gave a speech and afterwards, a lady came up to me with feedback that I kept brushing my fringe to the side which she found distracting. It affected the impression I gave to her. I soon discovered the joys of hairspray.
Unless you’re interviewing for a job on a farm, is there any excuse not to have clean hands and clean, well-trimmed nails?
Finally, and although not strictly related to appearance (but equally important) is smell. Use an appropriate amount of aftershave or perfume. If people are spluttering and coughing around you then you’re overdoing it and it's unpleasant especially in a confined space.
Much worse though is body odour and bad breath. Your best bet here is to ask a trusted loved one for feedback. It’s a hard conversation but you won’t make many friends if you smell really bad. That’s pretty much all there is to say about that.
5.) Use positive body language
There is so much that can be written on this topic alone.
However, in the interest of not boring you and making a bad first impression (if you’re reading my blog for the first time), I will highlight a few key factors (we’ve covered two already; eye contact and smiling).
Posture is important. Slouching shows a lack of interest, so try to sit upright in a relaxed manner (or stand straight) with your arms slightly open so you look welcoming. Crossing your arms or legs makes you seem defensive or guarded.
When you feel tense it often ends up in the shoulders. They move up and forward a bit. So try to relax and loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and then move them back slightly.
Nodding occasionally is a positive signal that you are listening and is encouraging for others.
Using your hands in a confident way to describe something is a great way to add weight to a point you are trying to make. Don’t overdo this though as otherwise, you may come across looking like a street mime.
Forget your "power moves” when making a first impression. You know the ones; walking behind people in a meeting, standing up and leaning forward with your hands on the desk, sitting back with your feet up on the table etc. You’re not a Bond villain.
Finally, be energetic and lively in your presence. Have an open mind and a relaxed attitude, and try to enjoy meeting someone for the first time and getting to know them.
Bringing it together
Hopefully, you will already be aware of the visual and physical factors that help in making an outstanding first impression and most of this article will be obvious to you.
However, we all have blindspots. You may not notice your body language, your facial expressions, the tone of your voice (more on that next time)
That is why carrying out a presentation audit with a coach is a great way to get objective, honest, safe and expert input on how you come across, especially important if you are in a leadership role or aiming for one.
Remember, an outstanding first impression makes you likeable, creates respect, builds immediate rapport and relationships.
If you’re interested I’d be happy to help you.
Part 2 of "10 tips for making an outstanding first impression" will address verbal communication.